Oakland A’s Archive

Men’s Health ranked Sac 95 out of 100

A screenshot of Men's Health Magazine's graphic of Sacramento's rankings.

A screenshot of Men's Health Magazine's graphic of Sacramento's rankings.

A few weeks ago I received an e-mail from a person representing Men’s Health Magazine about their July/August issue in which the magazine ranked America’s top sports towns.

My hometown of San Francisco was No. 39 on the 100-city list, with a grade of C+. But the whopper I noticed on the list was Sacramento, which was a dismal No. 95, getting a grade of F. Other, probably more notable, cities to get that grade were Orlando, Fla., Miami, Fla., and Newark, N.J.

The list was based on a couple of factors: Who’s looking to purchase tickets to games and sporting events, who is buying team apparel and who responded to calling themselves a “fanatic” in a survey done by Scarborough Sports Marketing.

The No. 1 city on the list was Arlington, Texas. Shocking, I know.

This kind of reminds me of ESPN’s Title Town campaign, where Valdosta, Georgia won for its “high school tradition, young but powerful Division II college football and overwhelming spirit.”

It’s hard to argue these things when you know towns like Valdosta just had everyone jam ESPN’s servers and vote the crap out of it. But Men’s Health is different in this regard. It actually did some evaluating and selected the cities and towns on its own. Which leads me to a very simple question: How can anyone argue for Sacramento to be any higher than 95th?

Let’s take a look at reasons why Sacramento is probably so low:

  1. The Sacramento Kings suck. With a stadium that seats one of the NBA’s lowest figures (17,317), there were many nights when the purple and black barely touched 5,000 because of an 88-158 over the last three seasons and an atrocious 17-65 season last year. All is quiet on the fandom front, with the faithful holding it down for next season hopes.. Rocking a Kings jersey right now, is not cool. Not cool, man.
  2. A lack of a second major franchise. How can Sacramento compete with the only major franchise in town of the four professional sports leagues is the Kings? There’s just no way possible. Add on to the fact…
  3. There’s no major Division I schools in the area. Sacramento State ain’t cutting it. Neither is UC Davis, which is down I-80. Although they do make for interesting Division-II fodder. (Yes, UC Davis is Division I, but how many people realize this?)
  4. People don’t respect Triple-A baseball. Maybe this is a personal opinion here … OK, they’re all personal opinions. But who gives a crap if Sacramento has a championship-winning Triple-A baseball team. The Sacramento Rivercats get their due in Sacramento, but nowhere else. Because no one pays attention to minor league baseball except “fanatics” and baseball writers. It’s surprising — really, shocking — that they’re affiliates of the Oakland Athletics which continue to suck in their own right.

Below is the full list from Men’s Health, as sent to me. Click on the link here for the article.

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Dear Santa: Get me a winner!!


All I want for Christmas is a winner.

Kings, Warriors, 49ers, Raiders, Giants and A’s, take notes.

You too, Sharks. You’re not out of the woods yet.

When you step out, do so with the intention of winning. Nothing else. And when you plan for the future of your franchise, plan with the intent of winning. Nothing else.

If I hear about this false pretense of “rebuilding” one more time, I swear to the Lord almighty I will throw my television out the window and lead the rest of my days as a recluse in the Sierra foothills.

Why? Because I’d rather be ignorant of Northern California’s collective incompetence than spare another second of my time on Earth being complicit in this buffoonery. It’s either second place or the worst of the worst. And if history is any precursor, those that plan to rebuild are planning to fail. Just picture being a lifelong Cincinnati Bengals fan. Or how about an L.A. Clippers fan?

That’s hurt.

And honestly, that’s too much hurt for any one fan to handle. So instead of starting my own self-help group and letting my fantasy leaguemates get angry at me because I’m ignoring my duties as commissioner, I’m going for the Hail Mary.

Santa, you’re a few years overdue and I suggest you pay what you owe.

Is it too much to ask that when one of our area teams takes to the playing field (listen up 49ers), that they attempt to win every game? I can’t for the life of me remember a year in which there was more disappointment after acquiring so much talent to bolster team play. It’s just god awful. I want people who want to be better than before and have the talent to do it. Then, back it up with a .500-plus season.

Saint Nick, you hearing me? Singletary?

I want, for once in my young life, to have a team proclaim that off years are no excuses for poor team play and spending less money on available talent.

You got that Maloofs?

I want the guy on my team that says “put it on my back, and I’ll carry us.” Tim Lincecum, are you the man for the job?

I long for a general manager that has a better selling season than book. (Yo Billy, stop acting like Mr. Bean and take care of business.)

I need a new owner and a new coach in Oakland — for the Raiders and the Warriors.
And I need the Sharks to not tank on the cusp of a Stanley Cup. Just when I was getting into watching hockey, it went south. That’s unacceptable. Kind of like when I just got into watching golf, and then Tiger takes the rest of the year off. It’s killing my mojo.

Santa, if for once you can do what you’re supposed to do — bring joy to those that are good — then take heed here. I’ve paid for my fair share of tickets and memorabilia. And I’ve written about some of these teams way too much. Help a fan out that’s two steps away from his tube.

It’s sad that it has come to this, but I knew — for some reason or another — we were at this point. Maybe it was the collective surprise that both the 49ers and Raiders won on the same weekend. Or maybe, it was on Saturday, when the Grant Pacers football team did more for Northern California than the collective Bay Area teams have done in three years by beating Long Beach Poly for the state championship.

Those kids, their parents and the Sacramento region are swelling with pride right now.

I’m so jealous.

You can find this column and more on TheUnion.com.